Hey everyone I hope everyone has started the week off right. I didnt think I was going to write a blog today or be able to make it today without crying. Today it has been two years since my father passed...I never knew I could hurt so BAD until the day he passed. I know now he is in a better place that is so much better than this world. I was in a good mood today compared to Father's Day in June and last year and in 2010; the year he passed. Sometimes, it is still hard to accept that he is gone and he can't see how far I have came. Like my new book deal and my apartment and how I am doing so good for myself. No one will EVER understand how I feel.

I miss you so much daddy. We bonded instantly and clicked. I know you would be so happy and proud of your princess. No man can ever take your place and even when they think about it, I let them know my father had a part in my life and I dont need no man to fill that void. He probably wouldnt believe some of the things that have happened good and bad but I know he is smiling down on me right now. I will still talk to you before I go to sleep. I just know you are my angel and you are watching over me. I am still living and when I think about giving up I just remember that promise I made you before you died.

Your Princess
Jana

Good morning Blog Readers! The Devil is really working for real. Ever since I had this book meeting, God has been showing me people’s true colors and for the first time I love it. Some people can be snakes and say things about other people like how they feel they act when in reality they are the ones who are bitter because they can’t let the past be the past. When you don’t move forward you stay unhappy from everything that affected you in the past. It’s amazing to me how some of the people I considered close to me over these last couple months are now acting funny towards me. Does it upset me? Yes it does but I have to accept it for what it is. At least I know they are the enemy now. People will smile in your face acting like they care and then act just like the ones who hurt you. Everyone you share your problems with are not being sincere. I am learning that right now.

Because I am so smart and determined to follow my dreams and learn so much in this place we call life, I know I am a threat. If you inspire people to do what they want to do those negative people luring in the darkness are going to be around secretly trying to break you down. I have learned that I have to win through my actions and not through argument. Arguing with these boxed-in individuals would be stooping to their level because they don’t have the ability to see what I see or what I will see in my lifetime.

Calling people names and breaking them down mentally just shows how much words have power. Once words roll off of your tongue, that is it because you can’t take it back. I realize that. Some people live for drama. They act like they are lending a helping hand when they are really laughing at the nonsense going on whether it’s family drama or something else. It’s like a couch potato someone who does nothing with their life but knows EVERY show that comes on from morning to the wee hours of the morning.

People don’t understand that for every action there is a reaction. It’s better to show people then tell them because once they see the outcome it’s no more being nice. I am content in everything I do. Life is short but just because you make that statement does not mean that you know what it means. If those people who make that statement knew what it mean, they would not take their love ones for granted. But once someone gives up and is done that is it.

If a person is ashamed of someone and does not want to have a relationship with them just let it be. It’s done and they don’t care. People don’t know how to respect decisions. Others who say they understand really don’t because if they did they would drop it and wouldn’t act funny the next day like they judging you based on that situation. Some humans can really be nasty acting and two faced and that’s where that statement: “Life is to short” comes in because no one has time for the fakeness. Time is everything to me and anyone else who does not have time for the drama. You even find yourself laughing at times because people can be so deceitful.

“The eyes are useless when the mind is blind.”

As soon as people see you going after your dreams then all hell breaks loose…Don’t let ANYONE block your blessings because they certainly could prolong them. If I have strayed from you just know that means your season or reason is UP.

Now, I know I may not be perfect and I struggle from day to day but I know HE is molding me. This call on my life is greater than anything I have EVER felt. Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything and take care of yourself. Find the cause of the problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect just be an excellent example of a human being.

With that said, I am truly grateful for everything I have and what’s yet to come. I’m so happy that I learned to be humble through every situation that I come in contact with. I am also willing to help others whether I have it or not.  I learned that some people think just because you help them, you have to kiss their butt. However, that is not the way to be because money isn’t everything because if it was people would be happy and not sitting in the house just gossiping waiting for other people’s failures. I come to understand that it’s the little things that count. So when all else fails, HE still takes care of me. Worrying about tomorrow or others leaves to much doubt for TODAY.

You’ve seen how science is the lens by which we can understand the universe with some degree of certainty. You’ve seen how the universe is structured (or ordered) according to natural laws that are inherent at every scale of existence, from subatomic particles to galaxy clusters. Everything operates according to these laws of growth, order, and direction."You’ve seen how the Mind is the source of these laws, and how this Infinite consciousness is, as the Qur’an says of Allah, “nearer to man than his jugular vein.”
From the book, "Science of Self" by Supreme Understanding~ Intro to Chapter 4

Good morning blogreaders today is an extremely blessed day for me and there are more days to come like this. Yesterday was the BIGGEST moment of my life. July 18,2012 is going down in my history book as the day my career launched. I met with my new publisher yesterday and I am pleased to say that God has blessed me with a strong, business minded individual who knows the literature industry. I was so nervous in the meeting as she told me how she likes my style of writing and that I would be the youngest author she is signing to the company. Now, I posted this on my twitter but I am  going to say it again:
Be careful what you post on these social networks because these big companies will do their research on you. Everything you post is a reflection of YOU whether you know it or not. In the meeting, they stated that they googled me and went to this website and everything. However, I already knew that. lol. As my brother sat there with me for support and I listened to her tell me all the things she has planned for me I was more in shock and beyond excited. This is going to be something big for me and something amazing for me. Now, I am not revealing the company yet but I will say that they are signing me for a three book deal & my first book under the [company] is set to release next year! The first book dropping will be, "Scared of Lonely" of course. I am so ready and if I'm not well, it's to late for all that because my name is about to be out there and my books. I will remain humble and continue to climb my way up the success ladder. I know this is a blessing because publishers do not meet with their authors unless they see something and that's excatly what this company said. My writing dreams are really becoming a reality. The vision I had for myself back in 2008 is now playing out in front of my eyes. All I can say is that is the power of MY mind and MY WORDS.

I also know as I continue to climb the ladder of life to reach my dreams, I will find that with every step comes another obstacle I must face and overcome.  Things I never imagined will try to stop me and people I thought would be happy for me will be filled with envy. But, wherever my success takes me, I'll always remember the strength and determination it took to get me there. SUCCESS IS WORTH EVERY STRUGGLE & I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS.

The office located in Buckhead where I had my first big publishing meeting. No I am not in this picture as you can see but once I sign the contract then I will take a picture in this office. Until then, I am not jinxing anything. I have came this far and just don't want ANYTHING to go wrong.

My theme song for today is "I Remember" by Mary J. Blige!

I love Mary! Her music is my life!

Today is Saturday and it is so hot outside!! Yesterday it was 102 degrees out in Atlanta, GA. They saying its going to be like that for the next couple of days. I just hope it rains soon because this is ridiculous. This heat is no joke. Everyone please stay cool and if you don't have to go anywhere then you shouldn't because this has been the warning on the news.

I have no idea what I want to talk about on my blog today. Isn't that something? lol.

For one, I want to say God is so good. He has blessed me in more ways than enough and I am blessed to be a blessing. When I didn't think HE would be there HE showed up today and made me see that HE would never just desert me. Even if people in the flesh have done it to you, it does not matter because HE will never leave nor forsake you. I just want to say thank you God for allowing me to be able to find a part-time job and for allowing me to keep my apartment up going on a year now. A lot of people WISH they were in my position. They wish they could do the things I am doing now. I am just so blessed! I feel like things are going to get better for me. I feel like I am so close to my dreams its not even funny. I have finally humbled my heart.

You have to learn how to be humble in order to allow God to take your blessings to the next step. I learned that. At 24 years old, I feel like I really have it together and was taking it for granted. I just couldn't see it at first. Maybe because I was younger but now that I am wiser I have learned that good things will come to those who wait. I know one day that all my dreams will come true...I just know J.Nicole NY

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Life is…


Life to me is a journey and you never know really which road to choose. I
have been through a lot in my life. Some things by choice and other things were
thrown my way. Many times I felt like giving up but I didn’t. I just cried and
cried thinking, why me? What am I going to do? It even felt like I would just
take my own life. I felt alienated. But prayer changes everything and I know God
will never put more on me than I can handle. It is getting so tough out here and
a lot of people are expecting me to fail but I promise I will not lose. The ones
mainly close to me. I have no fear because I know with God I can do anything and
accomplish anything that I want to do in [my] life. I had my first major setback
this year and I am finally learning to accept it for what it is. I am finally
learning to accept the fact that I am alone in life but not by choice. I didn’t
grow up in a two parent fairy tale home or television. That’s just the way life
turned out for me. But no matter what the only person that can judge me is God.
As bad as I want to move up to NY with family so I won’t be alone I know right
now that is not where I should be and it is for a reason. I wish on a star every
night to be a part of a family or have a circle of people that will accept me.
However, I want to learn to love myself first more than anything. People look at
me and say I am pretty well I know I am unique in my own way and one day I pray
I can see myself for what everyone else does. I just have been through so many
changes. I appreciate all my blessings no matter how small.


Most think I want to move up to New York to follow my dreams as a writer but
that is not true. I want to move to be with my family. I know nothing happens
over night even though I wish it did. But, God has a plan for my life so I have
to wait and do everything on his time. My family up there has shown me so much
love and have been so good to me. I am so use to being hurt and they welcome me
with open arms and I know it is real. At first, I was a little hesitant but now
I am not. That’s why it is hard for me to see them and then leave to come back
to Atlanta because I get a little down because it is back to reality for me.
Coming home to an apartment by myself in a city and state with just me. This is
my life… I am learning to accept it however because I cannot allow anything in
until I do.


Who wants to accept being alone and being hurt by the ones that you trusted
though? No one does. But this is the life I was given. Sometimes, it does get
hard but I know eventually my life will get better and I will have a family of
my own to love and care for because no one should have to go through some of the
things I have. I wouldn’t wish it on my own enemy.


Everyone have a great week


Inside my mind…