Life to me is a journey and you never know really which road to choose. I
have been through a lot in my life. Some things by choice and other things were
thrown my way. Many times I felt like giving up but I didn’t. I just cried and
cried thinking, why me? What am I going to do? It even felt like I would just
take my own life. I felt alienated. But prayer changes everything and I know God
will never put more on me than I can handle. It is getting so tough out here and
a lot of people are expecting me to fail but I promise I will not lose. The ones
mainly close to me. I have no fear because I know with God I can do anything and
accomplish anything that I want to do in [my] life. I had my first major setback
this year and I am finally learning to accept it for what it is. I am finally
learning to accept the fact that I am alone in life but not by choice. I didn’t
grow up in a two parent fairy tale home or television. That’s just the way life
turned out for me. But no matter what the only person that can judge me is God.
As bad as I want to move up to NY with family so I won’t be alone I know right
now that is not where I should be and it is for a reason. I wish on a star every
night to be a part of a family or have a circle of people that will accept me.
However, I want to learn to love myself first more than anything. People look at
me and say I am pretty well I know I am unique in my own way and one day I pray
I can see myself for what everyone else does. I just have been through so many
changes. I appreciate all my blessings no matter how small.
Most think I want to move up to New York to follow my dreams as a writer but
that is not true. I want to move to be with my family. I know nothing happens
over night even though I wish it did. But, God has a plan for my life so I have
to wait and do everything on his time. My family up there has shown me so much
love and have been so good to me. I am so use to being hurt and they welcome me
with open arms and I know it is real. At first, I was a little hesitant but now
I am not. That’s why it is hard for me to see them and then leave to come back
to Atlanta because I get a little down because it is back to reality for me.
Coming home to an apartment by myself in a city and state with just me. This is
my life… I am learning to accept it however because I cannot allow anything in
until I do.
Who wants to accept being alone and being hurt by the ones that you trusted
though? No one does. But this is the life I was given. Sometimes, it does get
hard but I know eventually my life will get better and I will have a family of
my own to love and care for because no one should have to go through some of the
things I have. I wouldn’t wish it on my own enemy.
Everyone have a great week
Inside my mind…